1. Organize your sentences.
1. Start your sentences with phrases that are attention-worthy. Things can be attention-worthy for different reasons; here are a few.
The phrase is significant to your audience:
“Barack Obama” is here.
“Mom” found a new job.
The phrase establishes a situation:
“Finally!” I finished all my midterms.
“Even though the professor is on vacation,” they are still having a final.
The phrase is something that was talked about previously:
Jack and Jill are neighbors. “They” hate each other.
David was such an awful person to Patrice. “Awful” to the point where he didn’t deserve to be loved.
1.1 When you can word a sentence in several different ways, note the phrases that will make your reader care about the rest of the sentence. Put them toward the beginning.
At 9 pm, Sunday, “The Walking Dead” finale will air.
→ “The Walking Dead” finale will air on Sunday, at 9pm.
Without weapons, to war, “you’ll have to” go.
→ “You’ll have to” go to war without weapons.
2. End your sentences with phrases that are emphasis-worthy. Things can be emphasis-worthy for different reasons; here are a few.
The phrase deserves memorability or distinction.
She has her flaws, but she “cares more than anybody else”.
*I am standing in the red corner. The announcer introduces me:* In the red corner, weighing in at none-of-your-business pounds, standing at none-of-your-business feet and none-of-your-business inches, hailing from some-place-you-don’t-need-to-know, New York, he is the reigning, defending uncrowned some-prefix-heavyweight champion of the writing wwoorrlldd; he is “Zac Toa.”
The phrase changes the situation.
He promised to expose the senator, and “now he’s dead”.
The student has become “the teacher”.
The phrase introduces something new.
The winner of the 2008 election, and the new president of the United States, is … “Barack Hussein Obama”.
Let me introduce myself. I am “your hero”.
2.1 When you can word a sentence in several different ways, note the phrases your reader would care about most. Put them toward the end.
You are “bringing yourself down” when you get on your knees.
→ When you get on your knees, you are “bringing yourself down”.
“They’re lying,” but they said by the end of the month, renovations will be complete.
→ They said renovations will be complete by the end of the month, but “they’re lying”.
3. Related words should be near each other to maintain smoothness for the reader.
Here are some examples:
He published on the New York Times “his article”.
→ He published “his article” on the New York Times.
“His article” relates closely to the word “publish”, hence they should be closer to each other.
She paid him to close the farm “one hundred dollars.”
→ She paid him “one hundred dollars” to close the farm.
“One hundred dollars” relates closely to the word “paid”, hence they should be closer to each other.
3.1 Here are some common tips I give when trying to improve people’s sentence smoothness:
Put negations closer to the word(s) they negate.
“Never” will he go on a rollercoaster.
→ He will “never” go on a rollercoaster.
Interns are “not” receiving adequate training.
→ Interns are receiving “in”adequate training.
Put modifiers closer to the words they modify.
She smacked the bully, “bold and upset”.
→ “Bold and upset”, she smacked the bully.
He removed the splinter, “carefully”.
→ He “carefully” removed the splinter.
Put prepositional phrases closer to the words they refer to.
“At Greendale”, he enrolled in classes.
→ He enrolled in classes “at Greendale”.
He crawled and escaped, “through the tunnel”.
→ He crawled “through the tunnel” and escaped.
Keeping related phrases close to each other makes it easy for your reader’s brain to process your thoughts quickly.
Note: There will be occasions where some of these rules conflict. For example, moving a word toward the end might emphasize it, but at the same time, take away the smoothness it had when it was near a related word. Or vice-versa. When rules conflict, you will have to choose which rule you value more for your particular sentence, and act accordingly.
4. Every sentence should make one point, no more. It’s a relatively simple rule, but it’s one that’s often broken by inexperienced writers who have a lot to say. Dear inexperienced yet talkative writers, I will now give you the tools you need to be as talkative as you like.
Try to reduce clauses into phrases:
“Mary was at school”. She finished her homework.
→ Mary finished her homework “at school”.
Jessica wanted to teach the students. “The students didn’t want to learn”.
→ Jessica wanted to teach “students who didn’t want to learn”.
4.1 If you don’t want to reduce your clauses, and don’t want them to be separate sentences either, use a conjunction to combine them into one thought:
Clark Kent was gonna save the city. Lex Luther stopped him.
→ Clark Kent was gonna save the city, “but” Lex Luther stopped him.
You can play. You can go home.
→ You can play “or” go home.
I like burritos. I like Apple Juice.
→ I like burritos “and” apple juice.
Conjunctions generally work if there’s a relationship between the items being connected. You can’t say “I hate hats, and that crazy lady died”. That’s an absurd example, but you’d be surprised by what people write when they’re having too many thoughts at once.
4.2 There may be times where you’ll want to add a ton of clauses and phrases to make your sentence as clear as possible. These explanatory clauses and phrases can distract your reader from your main point. If that happens, it’s better to break down your one sentence into several.
Barney, who graduated college with a bachelors in Chemistry, is now looking for a job.
→ Barney graduated college with a bachelors in Chemistry. He is now looking for a job.
When the mailman approached Jill, Fred, the dog who feels threatened by anybody who approaches Jill, barked defiantly.
→ Jill has a dog named Fred. Fred feels threatened by anybody who approaches Jill. So when the mailman approached her, he barked defiantly.
As you can probably see: when you introduce details in early sentences, you don’t have to explain them in later sentences.
5. Here are a few ways to use repetition to amplify your point.
Put the stronger expression later:
Pizza is “awesome”. I like it.
→ I like Pizza. It’s “awesome”.
She’s the “best ever”. The best!
→ She’s the best. The “best ever”!
Put the explanatory expression later:
You didn’t know how to use repetition “until I came along, until now”.
→ You didn’t know how to use repetition “until now, until I came along”.
He’s a “hypocrite lying” douchebag coward.
→ He’s a “lying hypocrite” douchebag coward.
Were you a bit annoyed when reading the crossed out sentences? If so, then that’s what happens when repetition is pointless! When you reorder words the right way though, that repetition can become powerful.
5.1 If you’re not looking for an amplification effect, you should delete repetitive expressions.
I won second place. “I was the runner up”.
→ I won second place.
Last night, I ate meatloaf “for dinner”.
→ Last night, I ate meatloaf.
Sometimes, a word is repetitive because it states what’s already implied in another word.
She’ll be home at 8pm, “tonight”.
→ She’ll be home at 8 pm.
They don’t “feel appreciative of” being objectified.
→ They don’t “appreciate” being objectified.
Repetition, when it’s not amplifying, generally weakens your thought. Avoid it.
6. When a phrase later in a sentence reminds your reader of something earlier in the sentence, it creates an impression of cleverness.
See for yourself:
Sarah “always” used the word “always”.
“You” are “your” own worst enemy.
When you subvert the meaning of the earlier phrase, you look even more clever:
Having monopolistic power, Facebook is now the “choice” of the “choice-less”.
You once said that if we “could” get revenge on our enemies, we “would”. I agree, we “would”.
This apparent cleverness makes you sound thoughtful, thus giving more (psychological) credence to your point.
7. Another way to emphasize your thought is to build toward it.
You can do this by having conditions and/or premises precede your point:
“If you were the last employer on earth, and you were willing to pay him a million dollars an hour to do something interesting with minimum responsibilities, all while agreeing to bow down to his children, then, and only then,” will he consider working for you.
“Life is a storybook full of heroes and monsters,” and the one character we can always author is our own.
“He hates apple juice, and you gave him apple juice,” so now he hates you.
Setting up a thought makes it stronger. In my opinion, it’s the most effective way to emphasize your point.
2. Clarify your sentences.
1. If you’re talking about something your audience knows well, you shouldn’t explain too much. You can summarize to cover the basics; but if you explain more than that, your audience will feel like you’re insulting their intelligence.
Talking about certain “obvious” things as if it’s matter-of-fact will keep your audience listening. Then you can talk about things they don’t know.
2. Helping your audience assimilate a new idea can be difficult. Here are some tricks.
Use a simple comparison to make your point:
His current boss, though picky, is still “more straightforward than” his last boss.
You’re “the next” Hitler.
Use a metaphor to make your point:
An opinion without facts is like “a gun without bullets”. You can intimidate people with it, but you can’t actually hurt them.
The veneer of human society changes, but “the elements that make it” do not. People will always be selfish.
Use an analogy to make your point:
Most people don’t know that Zac Toa is the greatest aphorist in the world today. It reminds me of how there was a time where most people didn’t know the earth was round.
Arguing with people to change their political values is like arguing with them to change their religious ones. It never works.
Use an anecdote to make your point:
Jeff once made his son wait six hours in front of school, because he ‘forgot’ to pick him up. Jeff is not fit to be a parent.
There was one man who questioned her authority ten years ago. Let’s just say: there hasn’t been another man who questioned her authority since.
Use general trends to make your point:
Nine out of every ten people on the planet hate your mother.
There are too many people in this school who demand to talk, but refuse to listen. You can’t reason with them.
Use an accepted premise to make your point:
If you care about your child’s future, you have to invest in their education.
Anthony hates Iris and people who associate with Iris. Daisy associates with Iris. So Anthony hates Daisy.
When you introduce an unfamiliar idea: making an analogy, creating a picture and/or sharing a line of reasoning are more effective than just stating your opinion like it’s fact.
3. The following are some tips on how to make your language more engaging.
Don’t use phrases that are too formal:
The stigma people have against mental illness is “unjust”.
→ The stigma people have against mental illness is “unfair”.
Don’t use phrases that are too informal:
“Barack” is the president.
→ “Obama” is the president.
Don’t use phrases that are too cliched:
She believed him without “a shadow of a doubt”.
→ She believed him without “doubt”.
Don’t use phrases that are too obscure:
He was “pusillanimous”.
→ He was “a coward”.
Don’t use phrases that are too vague:
Dr. Dorian received “better quality” medical training.
→ Dr. Dorian received “more patient-focused” medical training.
Don’t use phrases that are too distracting.
He went “in front of the house, opened the door, went in and closed the door behind him”.
→ He went “into the house”.
Pay attention to these last few tips because I see these mistakes all the time when I edit essays.
4. So long as it doesn’t interfere with clarity (or another external consideration), always say things in the shortest way possible.
The “rich, famous people” walked into the bar.
→ The “celebrities” walked into the bar.
It’s “uncommon” for people to think before they speak.
→ It’s “rare” for people to think before they speak.
He “left the room.”
→ He “left.”
Deleting unnecessary phrases, or collapsing long ones, makes your sentences stronger. When you’re concise, words stand out more and jut into your reader’s mind.
3. Here are other things to keep in mind when writing sentences.
1. Short sentences are read more slowly. Long sentences (without punctuation) are read more quickly. Tailoring the length of your sentences (by removing or adding clauses and modifiers) can help you control cadence.
2. A way to make an issue stand out is to not express it as people would expect. Using hyperbole to talk about small issues and understatements to talk about large issues will help those issues stand out.
3. When making a list, it’s best if the listed items maintain consistent form.
Examples:
The longevity of a relationship depends “on” appreciation, “on” communication and trust.
→ The longevity of a relationship depends on appreciation, on communication and “on” trust.
I ate “two” burgers and soda.
→ I ate two burgers and “a” soda.
He cares about his career “first”, then his family.
→ He cares about his career first, his family “second”.
Keeping consistent form makes listed items less jarring.
3.1 If two phrases have the same form, it would be graceful to unite them with a conjunction.
I felt “euphoria” mixed with “relief”.
→ I felt a mix of “euphoria and relief”.
She complained about a “chronic” case of “severe” back pain.
→ She complained about “chronic and severe” back pain.
Now that you know the essentials of how to write effective sentences, the hard, technical part is over. Don’t be ashamed if you continue making mistakes in your next writing project; what’s important is that you know how to fix them.
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